Don't make out with my wife yet
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
