it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
