I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
