just survived the first fart of the relationship.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
