How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
