So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
