It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
