So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
