Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
