Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
