Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
