i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Randomize
