I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
