Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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