i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
