You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
