so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
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It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
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I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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