I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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