My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
there's paper in my vomit.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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