Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
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I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
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I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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