hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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