Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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