If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
