and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
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