Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
