i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
