Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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