i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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