I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
