And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
