Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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