first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
