At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
