Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
