lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize