I wish I only lived at night.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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