I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Less talking, more tequila
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
