do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
