You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
