Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
