Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
