i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
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I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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