i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
