I would go down on you faster than GM stock
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
