This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
They are going to name an STD after you.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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