You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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