You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
