My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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