I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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