i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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