It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
