Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
