Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
