she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
