He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
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He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
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Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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