Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
