i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
