Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
