and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
whose parrot is this?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
