My nipple is on Facebook.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
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I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
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Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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