A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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