I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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