I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Still dying that you shit outside
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
