wanna go halves on a baby?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
