i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
