hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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