He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize