I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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