i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
