I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
