Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
