Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
