is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
