That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
