I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
you inspire me to be a worse person
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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