Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
There's always time for handjobs
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
