Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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