your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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