i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
