here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
